Lessons from Philippine Politics

Lessons from Philippine Politics

Robert Fulghum learned most of what he really needed to know—about how to live and what to do and how to be—in kindergarten. Mine, I learned in Philippine politics. Most of these just recently. Some of the things I learned:

• During elections, the lesser evil isn’t really the best choice it is still evil.
• Voting is a right. Getting counted is a privilege.
• Calling an election official is not illegal. Wiretapping that call is. The first, mere “lapse in judgment”; the second, a criminal and seditious act.
• When caught cheating, deny. Then, lie. Saying “sorry” is the last option. But never admit to doing anything. The formula worked for the President, it should work for anyone.
• You cannot have a thinking president and a thinking Vice President at the same time. One has to be mentally inferior and less experienced to achieve equilibrium.
• It is easier to oust someone who’s male and powerful than somebody who’s female and extremely lucky.
• To err is not just human, it’s presidential. To forgive maybe divine but utterly stupid.
• The pork barrel per se is not evil or corrupt. Lawmakers are.
• It takes two to tango as they’ve always said but it takes all of the two houses to Cha-Cha.
• Critical collaboration is the stance taken by the oppositionist otherwise known as “appointees-waiting”.
• Coup plotters always come in three types: plain adventurists, genuine reformist and a former senator.
• People who were ousted by previous people power revolts should not be at the forefront of another people power attempt. Else, it would miserably fail.
• Seditious journalism does not guarantee high readership. A police raid does.
• You want to become a newspaper editor, forget about taking a course in communications. Join the Philippine National Police instead, and strive to be its chief.
• When anti-riot cops bodily carry you off a rather peaceful rally against your will (as in the case of Rep. Rissa Hontiveros-Baraquel), that’s to safeguard you from harm.
• If you’re a journalist and you wrote something deemed offensive by a politician, it’s a libel. When a lawmaker says something defamatory against anyone, it’s a privilege speech.
• The State of the Nation Address (SONA) is when the country’s most prominent and influential liars, come together to listen to the country’s biggest liar.
• When in UP, they are “hard-line activists”. In Mendiola, they are “hardcore militants”. In Congress, they are party-list representatives.
  

How about you? What have you learned so far.